October is National Bullying Prevention month. Many people think bullying is just a part of school life that everyone has to go through: new kids, kids who are different or don’t like what everyone else likes, kids who aren’t among the “popular” groups. Bullying is typically associated with school but can happen anywhere. Much of the discussion around bullying is how to respond when it happens but prevention is possible. Effective bullying prevention efforts involve students, parents, teachers, and community members creating a culture of respect.
Bullying behavior negatively impacts all of the youth involved – the target, the bully, and the witnesses. Bullying is about behavior, not identity, and behavior can change. Bullying is a learned social behavior which has immediate and long-term effects on the social-emotional, educational, and even physical development of young people. People who engage in bullying behavior and people who are the targets also tend to inhabit those roles into adulthood as well and this can lead to ongoing interpersonal conflicts such teen dating violence, domestic abuse, child abuse and workplace bullying.
The CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey, which is conducted every two years, has consistently reported a similar percentage of students who have been bullied on school property during the 12 months before the survey – about 20%. (Samples of these are from 2013 https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/pdf/ss/ss6304.pdf; and 2021 https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/72/su/pdfs/su7201-H.pdf)
Other studies conducted within the last 5 years also consistently show about 1 in 5 students between 12-18 years old report being bullied in some way (https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/a10) and up to 50% of “tweens” (9-12 years old) (https://i.cartoonnetwork.com/stop-bullying/pdfs/CN_Stop_Bullying_Cyber_Bullying_Report_9.30.20.pdf)
There are variations in percentage when adding characteristics such as sex, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender identity, even rates in rural schools compared to urban schools, but the important point is it’s a problem that is not naturally resolving itself.
Bullying is a form of interpersonal aggression, and has a specific definition that incorporates several points:
It is intentional, unwanted aggressive behavior,
that is repeated (or likely to be), and
involves an imbalance of power.
o Physically, like a bigger kid pushing around a smaller kid;
o Socially, like a more popular kid purposely excluding or spreading rumors about a less popular or new student; or
o Being part of a group and having that sense of support while the person targeted is alone with no support.
Bullying also differs from other types of conflict in that the person doing the bullying behavior does not stop when they realize they are hurting their target, they are actually trying to hurt or humiliate that person.
Aggressive behavior takes a variety of forms:
Verbal – name calling, inappropriate sexual comments, threats;
Physical – pushing, tripping, hitting;
Social/Emotional – spreading rumors, humiliating someone in front of others on purpose, purposefully excluding someone from activities;
Damage to property – taking or breaking someone’s things, vandalizing property.
Cyberbullying takes place over digital devices and can occur through texts, on social media, email, online forums, and within gaming communities. Cyberbullying involves special concerns relating to permanence and reach since content can be seen by strangers and harm the reputations of everyone involved. It may also be harder for teachers and parents to be aware of if they don’t personally see or overhear what is happening.
Prevention is the act of stopping something from happening or reducing the chance it will happen. What kinds of actions need to be taken to prevent bullying behavior from starting, instead of waiting to intervene or punish after the fact? Bullying behavior is like other social behaviors. It is learned and can be changed through awareness, education, and support. Parents, school staff, and other adults have roles to play in preventing bullying:
Talk about what is bullying behavior and why it is unacceptable – model and help kids learn de-escalation techniques and conflict resolution skills.
Make sure kids know how to get help if they are a target or witness – be and help your children identify who can be a trusted adult for them in school.
Check in with kids often, take time to know their friends and understand their concerns.
Encourage kids to pursue interests they love that can develop self-esteem and form a social network, while also having the chance to meet people who are different from them.
Model how to treat others with respect.
Just like with other interpersonal topics, conversations around bullying behavior may be awkward to initiate. Here are some tips for talking about it (https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/how-to-talk-about-bullying):
ADULTS: don’t wait until something seems to be bothering a child. Create a habit of having open conversations with children about what happens in their life, with their friends, and the activities they enjoy. Talk about bullying in a general way and ask if they have seen it happening around them. Share age-appropriate personal experiences and how it affected you at the time. Offer general support in the form of statements or questions such as “I’m here if there’s something you want to talk about,” or “I’ve noticed you seem stressed, has something happened?” Talk about strategies for staying safe and how to stand up to kids who bully. Look for signs that a child may be the target of bullying such as increased illness, loss of self-esteem, changes in eating and sleeping habits, or a sudden loss of interest in social activities. Also look for signs the child might be bullying others: increased aggression, unexplained money or new possessions, trouble expressing or controlling their emotions.
YOUTH: it’s ok to talk to a trusted adult about how you feel when things happen to you or around you. It is also ok to feel scared or to not really know what you want that adult to do about a situation. Maybe you just want to tell someone and then work on figuring out a solution yourself. Being the target of bullying behavior can make you feel helpless, but you have the right to ask for help from an adult to stop the behavior. No one deserves to be bullied. What if you are the one doing the bullying? Understand this is about behavior and you can change! Think about why you are doing what you are doing. Find a mentor who can guide you through challenging situations using behavior you can be proud of.
And, adults – if a child or youth does trust you enough to talk about bullying, remember that it took courage and that if they could fix the situation on their own, they would. Also realize that bullying behavior is harmful to all the students involved and doesn’t just “go away” if ignored. Be careful not to brush off their experience as “part of growing up” and try to be supportive of the ways they may be trying to figure out how to handle the situation on their own.
When we focus on prevention, the need for intervention decreases. It is worth our energy as a society to improve the health of our schools, neighborhoods, and communities so that our children can achieve their potential without hurting each other. Visit www.pacer.org/bullying/nbpm/ for articles and videos, shareable resources, action plans, and links to age-appropriate discussions about bullying behavior for kids and teens.